Category: Poetry


Our Dark Communion


Our Dark Communion – by Luca Stefani

I give to thee…
my blood and my soul…
that you’ll live forever…
in love with me

I’ll be in the stoneyard…
if you’re looking for me…
there’s hounds and torches…
beyond the far trees

so listen for the horses…
I’m coming for thee…
we’ll skip out of town…
like a fist full of bees

they wasted their rope…
on the old willow tree…
there will be no hangin’…
for little old me

I give to thee…
my blood and my soul….
our love is forever…
of this you will see

forever and ever….
it’s just you and me…
together forever…
forever with me

Luca Stefani pic

Luca Stefani (C) Photography and Poetry

https://plus.google.com/u/0/107605082224775196218/posts

Mourn


When I first met you I never loved you. You went away for a while and when you was gone I was lost, I was missing you. You came back and I heard your voice. My heart beat was racing, my stomach was doing cart wheels, I became distorted by the change in my body. When I touched you I sensed a bit of belonging towards you.
The more I saw you the more I knew I wanted you in my life. We had our first baby together all I wanted now was for us to live in harmony and protect one another, to give our child something we both never had a family unit and a good foundation home, with dad, mum and child. You made me feel like I was the only one with your attentiveness towards me. It was not too far down the line when I found out about your demon in you and it hurt, but I chose to still want to be with you. Our second child came along deep down inside I was happy to give you a son. You were gone but then you came back but you had changed but that never stopped me, “Why?”
I realised not all relationships are perfect and they do have faults but it’s to keep strong and get through them but it seemed that was not your agenda and you never opened to communicate, which left me to be scared to talk about my feelings and to be closed.
We had arguments but that never stopped me from wanting you, but maybe this is where you stopped wanting me yet you always came back.
Years have passed and you knew what I wanted, to just be with you, married and raise our kids together as one.

In the years that have passed, we had two more children, but you also had another one with someone else. Yet I still wanted you even after I found out you had been with her for years and I never knew because you were not honest. My love for you is unconditional; it is grown and in depth as the water to our planet. Now I’m here raising our children alone, when you knew I never wanted to be a single parent. This was not what I planned for myself or our children.

I’ve been with you since I was 17, nearly 10 years down the line my body is emotionally, mentally and physically attached to yours. “How do I break away from that?”
When I go to bed, I go with 4 parts of you as to when I wake up. I want the whole of you not just parts. I have to say to myself “When is enough?”
I have realised that I lost you a long time ago, I must mourn, I was just destroying myself that you would want me and our children as one , you just want our children, while I’m out in the cold as an outsider, looking in to my castle. You did not want me period, I did not fit into the criteria of a woman you wanted to marry and cherish for the years you
have remaining to live. You never took the time to listen to my silent cries, my laughter, and the pain in my eyes. You never see when I’m crying, when the tears are pouring down my face like ‘Niagara Falls’ because I just want to shout “Be with me!!!!”
I wonder to myself “Was I inadequate to love the man I wanted so badly?” “What did I do that was wrong?” “Was it me and how I wanted to control things?” “If we communicated more would we be together?” “If I was more open with my feelings would that of helped?”, “Will I end up being alone?”, “Did he really ever love me?” or simplistically “Why!!!?”

I sit and differentiate the sadness and the unanswered questions I never got you to ask, I just mourn. I feel sorry for our children that never got to have the family unit; they just got a broken home, single parent family. “Did you think it was fair on them?” People say children adapt to change, I do not think so. As a mother I feel I have failed because they are raised with a single parent, “Is history repeating itself?”, “Will history repeat when our children are grown?”. You are ok because you just moved on and never thought twice.
I’ve lost you for good and now I need to mourn, but how is that so when I still see you because of our children. I’m not just mourning my universe; my best friend was taken with it. My sense of belonging has now gone and I have to mourn. I need to carry on, for the sake of our children because I mourn for them being brought up broken, protect them from ever thinking that this is normal.

When I wear your t-shirt to bed it’s my way of being close to you, as this is all I’m getting from you. I hate that I never get to wake up to you, cuddle you, give you a morning kiss, to tell you every morning ‘I love you’, I have to mourn. I don’t like the fact I never got the chance to do all the things a dutiful wife should, I have to mourn.
I now know after all these years reality hit, I was alone. You never got the time to know me in and out, you saw me as a burden, an inconvenience to your life and you just wanted rid. Your actions spoke louder than words, but yet it was the words that I listened to which kept me here, alone. I have wasted time which I cannot get back which I have to mourn.

As I lay at your graveside this is what I wanted to say, and what I felt but never had the courage to say it in person and I’m here, I’m crying of all the things I wish our children had, and what I wanted to have but this is life. I wish I could go back in time or if I was granted with one wish, it would be to start again from the day we had our first child. Now I mourn the things I never got to say and I mourn the things I regret. Yet I’m here at your graveside reading a letter but you’re not listening, there’s no response, once again I’m alone and the only one who is listening is the dirt on the ground.

By A J Moran


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